I'm Not The Type

I'm not the type
The pretty girl
Who always gets the guy
I'm not the type
The flirty girl
Who gives the thought of more
I'm not the normal
I'm not the spread my legs type
People know this
So why do they still try?
All that happens is they realize
I'm not the type
What I get
Is to realize that no one really cares
That I'm not the type

Please don't be.

Please don't be

I don't want to fall

I'm afraid to fall

Terrified even

If I fall for you..

Will you catch me?

Will you fall for me?

Please don't be the type I've had

The type that watches me fall

Laughing at each crack in my heart

You ask if I'm scared

Of course I am

Why would I not be?

Just please don't be

The one that will break my heart.

Give Me This Moment

Let me have this moment
to ponder to myself
and I’ll give you millions of reasons
that don’t matter at all
but you gave me this moment
left me alone in this quiet room
the silence is so loud
which sounds so silly really
and saying what silence sounds like
why that is curious as well
but curious things are just that curious
so I think I’ll think on that
they say that curiosity killed the cat
why they say that I’ll never know
because silly them have they forgot?
Satisfaction brought it back
and so I say dear one
welcome to my moment
where you let me ponder to myself

Silence

The silence echoes

My mind clouded

No thoughts

Not one whisper

I hum a song

Just to fill the emptiness

The void takes over

I stare out the window

My eyes stare at a single leaf

Seemingly for hours before I realize

That I have no thoughts

That my mind is silent

The silence is terrifying

Tears sting my eyes

Hold me

Never let me go

I can't take everything

By myself

Without you I am nothing

Without you I am

*silence*

Until I find you though

I'll be here waiting

Looking out this window

I wish I could understand

I wish I could understand

Why my mind does this

I feel like it's a defense mechanism

But the problem is

I'm not sure what I'm defending against

There have been some things

That hurt

That I won't be forgetting

But I've already forgiven them

Or have I?

Or did I locked it away somewhere?

My mind is heavy

This fog so thick

If I could understand

Why my mind did this

Maybe I could control it

But I have no idea what's going on

Dream another dream

I'm laying here

In my ten feet tall bed

My head in the clouds

All I'm wanting is your arms

All I'm wanting is your lips

All I'm wanting is your voice

All I'm wanting is your touch

I reach out my arms

And the blankets are all I feel

So I smother myself in covers

And go another night dreaming of you.

Nu-uh.

You see me as already over the line

But I'm just standing at the edge

If you already see me as there

What's the point of staying?

Should I not cross it

Your already ashamed for who I am

Even though there's nothing wrong with me

got cha'

I hear your voice
It calls my name
I come forward
Confusion written on my face
You look at me and smile
All you say is
Fooled you.
I hear your voice
It calls my name
I walk towards you
Confusion written on my face
Questions on my tongue
You look at me and smile
With a teasing smirk you say

Fooled you.

Again.

What am I doing?

What am I doing?

When I say this is what I want!

How come when I try to get it my vision becomes blurred

I lose my focus

I lose my train of thought

The tracks get more confusing

More curve

More hills

I can no longer see my destination

So I stop and try to remember..

What am I doing?

Being a “bitch”

I can never be mean straight up otherwise I will feel awful about it, no matter if they deserved it or not. My ways are much more subtle and I have taken the word sarcasm and formed it into perfection. I can make one believe I am the sweetest of them all and yet secretly to myself and few others who have figured out my small hints that I’m actually not very sweet at all. I never have claimed to be the sweetest and kindest, but people saw my quiet for tender and it made them that much more easy to fool. If I take it too far I will apologize. If I don’t apologize you are probably over reacting.

I hear nothing

Silence

But my mind swarms

I hear no thoughts

But I can feel them

Whispering

My mind in constant fog

To many worries

To many thoughts weigh me down

But how can I shed the fears

When I'm not sure what they are

country boys

Don’t ever love a country boy
they’ll break your heart he said
I don’t want anyone to ever break your heart
promise me you’ll never fall for a country boy
I looked him in the eyes and said
I can’t promise you anything
so we looked up at the stars
I said isn’t this the most beautiful thing
he kissed me and said
almost
i thought to myself
no worries, i'll never fall for a country boy
for what he said was flawless
all the words perfect
which can only be lies
but i'll pretend to fall
and watch him believe that he has me fooled.