if you don't mind

Here is the deal
and I know it is the truth
I’m really starting to like you
I’ve told you I loved you once
hell I know I’ve said it twice
babe here I am in Arkansas
and you are so far away
will you please come to see me again?
I know your really falling for me
and I’ve been trying to hide that I’m doing the same
so if you don’t mind
please stop calling me beautiful
if you don’t mind
please stop calling me baby
if you don’t mind
please stop saying you love me
because heres the deal
and I know it’s the truth
I’m really starting to like you

Please don't hate me God

Please don't hate me God

But today I was with a boy

Please don't hate me God

But I know he has a girl

Please don't hate me God

But I loved it when he kissed me

Please don't hate me God

But I could fall for this boy

Here's the Deal

I love you
I miss you
I want you
I care for you

You don’t love
you don’t miss
you don’t want
you don’t care

So babe I’m wasting my time
so babe I’m done
so babe you’ll miss me
so babe watch me walk away

See that boy over there?
see how he’s walking closer?
see how he leans in for a hug?
see how he holds me?

Hey babe your face got all serious
hey babe your body just got all tense
hey babe do you want me
hey babe its too late

everyone has a voice, mine is quiet so listen closely

Mine is quiet. It speaks, but only if you listen closely will you hear it.

So if you listen closely to me, maybe then will you understand the thoughts, but if you keep yelling at me to speak up you will hear nothing and my story goes untold. One wonders why I think so much and why I never share my thoughts.

No one had tried to listen to my thoughts so my voice went unused and my voice forgot how to tell, so words were my savior. Words kept me from losing control. I went through a time, much like anyone else, when everyone discovered that they are their own person. As people discovered this the louder they got, the louder they got, the quieter I became, my voice wasn’t loud enough to be heard in the circus of life. I internalized my voice and began to think. As time went on the people who didn’t speak were spoken for and my voice became the voices of others who would speak in my behalf.

When I would speak it would come out sarcasm because I hadn’t learned how to speak out loud only in my thoughts. People thought I was sweet and kind and blah, blah, blah… I played the part well, for when you listen you learn. I learned exactly what people wanted to hear, so they wanted me sweet caring and kind that is what they got.

Those who acted cocky, they were another story, I gave them sarcasm, I gave them wit. This silenced them, which would please me. The people who needed to shut their mouths the most were always the ones talking...

finally

Today I am done
Today I am stronger
Today is the day I stop getting pushed around
Today is the day I stop hurting
Today is the day when there are no tears
Today I am free

hello world :)

i've decided i want to give blogging a try.. not really sure how i'll do at this, but here goes..

hello my name is shanna i'm 18 and i'm trying to figure out what i want in life.. theres a few things you'll find reading these
1. i'm random
2. i'm silly
3. i think way too much
4. i like to write poems (if thats what you want to call them)
5. i'm confusing..
thats about it..